new.

I've been trying to keep busy and create what's going to be my 'new life' so to speak. Losing someone I devoted most of your time, energy, dreams, future and love to has made me feel like someone took a shotgun and blew a hole through me.

To get better, I've been keeping busy. To brighten my days I have:

-Joined Lifetime Fitness and worked out almost everyday
-Had a craft session at my sister Krista's
-Cleaned/organized my house

-Seen Avatar w/ Laura

-Kept a Journal

-Started reading 'Conversations with God'...a good book with lots of wisdom.
-Taken a hot bath w/ a glass of red wine

-Curled up and slept on the couch almost every night next to a big heater. My bedroom just feels wrong.
-Planned an evening with Jenni to eat stew & watch movies tonight
-Dreamed about my new life and what's in store for 2010.

I can't say I'm feeling good. I teeter every moment between feeling mediocre (which I wish for) and feeling completely lost and hopeless. Isn't love amazing that way? The power it holds over you? It can be such a beautiful and destructive thing.

Well. I think that's enough whiny-ness for one post. Are you feeling blue now too? I'm sorry, I promise I'll be back as soon as I feel alive again.

A good quote: "The walls we build around ourselves to keep sadness out, also keeps out the joy".