I'm Broken.

I'll just say that Christmas didn't turn out the way I had hoped for. I lost someone very special to me, someone I love very much. Nathan & I broke up on Christmas Day & I won't go into the entire story mainly because this is a blog and this kind of matter is private.

In one moment, my world seemed to blur and fall around me. There was no discussion, no rationalizing or communicating. His decision was made. It was over, just like that. I lost the man I love.

So, what can you really say goes through you at that moment? Too many painful, ripping things to list. The kind of feelings that make you want to fall to your knees. Heartbreak creates a pain inside me that is worse than anything I've felt in my life.

I've needed my friends every waking moment since it's happened. Thank you to all of the girls who are there for me. I've really seen how much you love me in the last couple of days, it's been so amazing to feel that connection and support from you. Thank you.

My friend Sarah sent me this quote:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Love is roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom fall from our branches we find that we are one tree and not two." -St. Augustine

This quote is so beautiful and full of the raw truth of love. My roots were intertwined, but maybe his were not. Maybe they were, but I couldn't feel it. Either way, I deserve a life with someone who happily intertwines their life with mine, and sees all my good and bad and loves me for all of it openly.

Right now, I'm broken.