Today is New Years Eve & also Nathan's Birthday. I woke up several times last night. Mostly coughing and feeling awful. I'm sick, but still came to work early again today to keep myself moving.
Last night I went over to Bethany's. We watched Golden Girls and ate a brie bake that I made (Thanks T). I have zero appetite most of the time. I think I've probably lost at least 5-7 lbs. This is strange because I am an eater. I love food, I don't have hang-ups with it...I don't monitor it, I just enjoy and love it. I can't wait till it tastes good again.
I'm going to Lifetime Fitness today at 4:30pm to start my membership and get started on working out. I hate working out. But, for some reason I don't think I'm going to hate it this time. I need to get moving and turn this into something positive. Why not stay busy while getting a nice butt at the same time, right?
I'm all of the board from sad, to lost, to angry, to accepting, to even insightful. It's kind of amazing how your mind goes into overdrive & your physical body responds when your heart breaks. I have moments where my tummy seizes up and I don't know what to do to make it release the pain.
I've been talking to my friends all the time. They are helping me so much. I even have plans tomorrow to spend them with my sister Krista (thank goodness, because we have the day off work). It's been hard to scramble and find things to do because I am technically supposed to be out of state right now and left my calendar plans wide open.
I am hoping that the days get easier and I can start to feel my true self again. I miss her.
“I have been crossing this bridge to get to where I need to be but often times the water rises to where I hesitate to cross. I fear that I might drowned and die but how will I know how deep it is if I won’t cross it. -Anonymous
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